SoBo Mama's Tips & Tricks

{September 6, 2014}   Reflection: Hanging On

I remember two things distinctly from my childhood.  One was this ragged yellow baby blanket that I toted everywhere. Another is a one-eyed brown teddy bear named “Tedina” (because I was a creative kid like that!). I don’t know what ever happened to them. I’m certain they were chunked in one move or another and I forgot all about them.

When Super Nana moved in with GG and Billy, she left tons of stuff behind.  I neatly packed things away in totes, waiting for her and Grizzly’s younger sister to come and sort through them. Just one tote at a time, I remember thinking. Nana has gotten most of her stuff – it’s 7 years now – and about 2 years ago, I made a special delivery to my sister in law.

How long is too long to hold on?  When your baby blanket is useless even as a cleaning rag?  When it’s been a decade since you’ve seen whatever is in the bottom of the box? When should you let it go?

I’m in a reflective state today, with my partner in crime running errands, my husband working out of town, and the monkeys getting along.  I realize that I don’t just hold on to my tangible stuff. I hold on to friendships that have died. I hold on to hurt feelings. I hold on to unspoken thoughts.

When do you let it go?

It can’t be healthy to hang on to things like that.

A lot of it goes back to perception and reality (guess what unit I’m teaching right now?)

Friendships. Sometimes we just don’t get that the ship has sailed. A few months ago, I needed to be selfish and focus on me. Real Chick called me a liar and a bad friend. She blocked me on Facebook. Our friendship had become very one-sided and I honestly was not in a place to maintain that relationship. She has since apologized, which I’ve accepted and I wish her well. But we can never have that friendship back.

On the other side of the coin, I miss the Higher Authority like crazy. So many times in the past 6 months I wanted to reach out to her, to get some advice. A few times since the oh-so-mature “Block Party,” I’ve thought she and I were in a good place – but there’s never any follow up on her end. And she’s angry with me about something she’s never addressed with me, something I played a minuscule role in but ended up with the blame. Why do I continue to reach out, want to resolve it, want to at least get back to the place where she doesn’t hate me?

Hurt feelings. Grizzly likes to say I hold grudges and will cut people out of my life with ease. It’s not really like that. But if someone is being mean and hurtful, why bother with them? It takes a lot of work to turn the other cheek and often it just doesn’t feel worth the energy. But I hold on to the hurt. The gossip about me, the gossip about my family – those are things I find difficult to let go. How long is too long to hold on?

Unspoken thoughts. Getting stuck in your own head can be the worst. I watch a good friend go through cycles where he does this, too, and while I want to shake him, I get it. If you say it out loud, it’s real. But if you obsess on whatever’s in your brain…it’s no way to live. And sometimes, speaking those thoughts, can bring clarity. Why are we so hellbent on not speaking? What are we holding on to?

It’s easy to let go of so many things. Unless you’re a hoarder. But the intangibles, the thoughts, feelings, friendships – they’re tough. When is it time to let go?

~ Katie

Posted from WordPress for Android


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